October 02, 2011


I've been asking myself a lot of questions lately. I was never good at doing that. Most of the time I had the answers for everything and everyone. But it is really hard to come to terms with your own devils, especially when you are 24 years old living in New York City. It's been 2 years this month, and I am trying to figure out where my feet will take me next, and why am I still in this city, and why have I not left yet. Nietzsche said "Why does man not see things? He is himself standing in the way: he conceals things." I become somebody more aware of myself and my surroundings. I've always been good at reading people, their characters, intentions, schemes and worries, but I stopped asking myself the simplest questions about my own life. And I stopped working towards the 'oh so clear' agenda, turning it into an indisputable labyrinth with walls built around it. I've been growing out my hair like Rapunzel in the princess tower. I've been living modest because I wanted to save up for a brighter future. I work too much and I study things that I want to learn but that I don't need to be happy. My truth is every mistake I made. My truth is my discernment and its expanding capacity. I am happier now. I have a clear prospect of what there is to come and what it is I can do. My ability to feel what I feel isn't worth nothing.

Besides all that, I began a research to find out how many degrees I am separated from Friedrich Nietzsche. My grandmother carries his name and their ancestors are from the same region in Prussia. Today is a good day. I have Panda visiting Brooklyn. We will have wine at Chez Oskar.

Attached a few things that represent my last week.